A New Story

Today I was thinking about the process of life design and thought I would touch base on this. Some of you may be wondering what the heck I am talking about. Doesn't life just happen? Fate, destiny, how the cookie crumbles, it wasn't in the cards, etc... I have heard them all. Life just happens when we let it. We each have the capability and responsibility to step in and make decisions that allow for a better, more fullfilling life. If we just settle or live in the past we can never become that which we dream of. More than that it also has far reaching effects. How we look at and represent our life touches upon the people we are involved with. Our family, our friends, our peers, and our chrildren are greatly impacted by the stories we tell. If we continually tell stories of sadness, loss, disgust, distrust, anger, fear, or other negative emotions or histories can we really impact people in a positive manner? I more than realize that many of us have had a rough history and it hurts so bad that it is hard to get past it, but what if there were a better way to use this as a springboard to move forward in stronger, happier healthy manner?

My suggestion is that you start thinking about a new story....your new story. This is where life design comes in. Take some time to really think about your past life. What do you like and cherish? What do you want to change? Are some of things you would like to change bad habits, weight problems, self worth, bad choices, etc... Did you have major situations that left you scarred? I can go on and on with examples, but I just want to get your mental pictures going. Do you realize that everything except this very moment is in the past and all you have now is the future? You may be fifty pounds overweight, but the factors that got you here do not have to be in the future. You might have just smoked your twentieth cigarette of the day, but you can make some changes that can help you toward the goal of stopping. You may have made bad choices in relationships, but I know you can make better ones now. In the past you may have been a victim, but doesn't that now make you a survivor? You are "NOT" defined by the past, no matter what you did, what happened to you, or any choice you made! Everyday is truly a new slate. Yes your history is still there, but you can take the good, forgive the past and change the way you view it and no longer allow it to control you.

So my challenge for you this week is to think about your new story. What do you want that to look like? Feel it and make it yours. It won't happen overnight and the old baggage will creep up, but if you truly want a postive change, this is a good place to start. If you don't put out any effort you will always have what you already have. Seriously think about that...it is a fact, just ask yourself.

You can... Re-write your life! Overcome Yourself!

Until next time remember

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!" ~Norman Vincent Peale

Always re-writing,

Julia Marie Foley

*my website will be up very soon

Re-writing Fear

Well now we are a few days into the New Year. Have you like most already thrown the towel in on your resolutions or are you still living them faithfully and optimistically?

So far I am sticking with my resolution of following through with re-writing my life and the process of overcoming myself.  

I have spent some time trying to figure out why I allowed myself to live a miserable difficult life for so long. How was it that I spent so many years suffering and pretending that everything was ok? How did I talk myself into believing that it would all change one day and I would miraculously live happily and healthily ever after?  

Upon hours of thought a quote came to mind, “Fear is an acid which is pumped into one’s atmosphere. It causes mental, moral, and spiritual asphyxiation, and sometimes death; death to energy and all growth ~Horace Fletcher”. Could fear really have been the cause of my demise? I do not believe fear was the cause, but was one of the main factors. Could fear be holding you back from living the life you desire or the changes you need in order to get over the past and begin living your life, not one you feel lost in? We should all be able to live our lives by our own choice, not by past circumstances forcing us into a cycle we can’t seem to get away from.

Fear is such a strong emotion, not only debilitating, but controlling too. I find it amazing that an emotion can dictate how we feel, what we do or don’t do and rule our lives like it is some kind of living breathing demon. Don’t get me wrong fear has a positive side too. Fear is good when it makes you second guess a decision to do something reckless or dangerous, but as far as I am concerned that is about the only time it can be good.

Let’s say you were abused when you were younger and now you find yourself in an abusive relationship as an adult, is it fear that keeps you frozen in the situation? Fear of seeking help, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear that you won’t survive, fear that you can’t do it on your own, fear of financial despair, fear that you really do love them, or just plain old fear? The list can go on and on. Fear comes from every angle.  

I can look back at my marital, health, weight and depression problems and see in every situation a type of fear holding me back or keeping me stuck. Maybe that fear made me feel that I had let my life get away from me and that I had run out of options and it was just time that I accept my lot in life. Fear was my biggest obstacle when it came to change. Have I got past fear? I would be arrogant to say yes, but I can say I have taken steps to move forward and so can you. Your situation does not define you. You define you!

I am always saying Re-write Your Life! Overcome Yourself! and I mean it. The only person we can affect with change is ourselves. What I am not saying is just change your mind and all your problems will disappear and life will be rosy. We know that would be unrealistic, but if we can start looking at the negatives in our lives from a new prospective we can use them to change our future to be more productive, more positive, more real and true to our beliefs.

I suggest that you pick one thing (big or small) in your life that you want to change for the better, but for whatever reason you just can’t seem change. Take some time for yourself and quietly question why you can’t get past the way it is. What is it that has you spinning your wheels? What angle of fear has its grip on you in this situation?  Once you contemplate about it, if you don’t consciously already know what fear is holding you back you will begin to realize the fear you have inside you. Listen to that small voice, you have heard it before. Fear has deep roots and it has been around for a long time, it does not just show up overnight. Think about that fear and make an honest opinion about it. What is the worst thing that fear can do if you try to change? Usually you will find that change is good and fear can’t really hold you down. Sometimes we need to make huge life altering changes in order to get our lives back, but I suggest small tender steps. Pick one small item you can change easily and start there.

In the mention of the hypothetical abusive relationship earlier, this person loves their partner and does not want out of this relationship. Upon focusing on their fears they decide that their fear is that the partner will leave, not love, or hurt them if they rock the boat. What would be a baby step they could take on their own to begin to re-write the situation for them self? They could go online and research ways to deal with abusive relationships or possibly seek a therapist or group to help them with positive ways to change or handle the situation.

You are the only one who knows yourself deeply and truthfully enough that you can look fear in the face and determine what is most important and which steps to take, but remember our worlds are no longer confined to the walls we live within. The world and all in it are now within reach, so you have all the support you could possibly need at your fingertips. Nobody has to be alone anymore.

I can go on endlessly about fear and how it confines our growth, but I will come to a close reminding you “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face. You must do the thing in which you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt”

Re-write Your Life! Overcome Yourself! You can and will do it. Keep trying and remain brave.

Until next time...

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!" ~Norman Vincent Peale

Always Re-writing,

Julia Marie Foley